A Summer Blogging Challenge: Coleman Edition

I�m a little late to the party, but a fellow breast cancer blogger, Nancy Stordahl, whom I admire greatly, proposed a summer blogging challenge last month. Though the grocery stores here in Western New York are stocked with Oktoberfest, and our temps are hovering right above sweater weather, the calendar agrees with me: it's still technically summer. I got Paul�s answers for these, too. And they�re good.

1. Share anything you want about your cancer diagnosis (or your loved one�s). Share your age, cancer type, stage, when you were diagnosed, family history (if any), your reaction, how you learned the news, or whatever you�re comfortable sharing.

Liz: I was diagnosed with Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, stage IIIb, in February 2017. The cancer was in my right breast and had spread to my underarm lymph nodes. I was 30. No family history, really. Just one cousin on my dad�s side who was also diagnosed fairly recently. Because a lot of people ask: I found a lump so I went to the Doctor.

Paul: I was diagnosed with Peritoneal Mesothelioma in 2012 at the age of 27. No family history. I guess I felt overwhelmed when I heard the news. I didn�t even really know what Mesothelioma was at the time. I definitely didn�t know how serious and deadly the disease was. I thought I could be cured.

2. What is the most outrageous thing someone has said to you about your (or your loved one�s) cancer?

Liz: Oh, there�s quite a few of these. A well-meaning nurse told me during pre-op, �At least you�re getting a new set of breasts. It�s like an upgrade!� It�s not. She wanted to make me feel better, but it was still the very opposite of what you should say.

Paul: I was having a near-death reaction during a clinical trial at the NIH, and someone Facebook messaged Liz to say �they were praying for us, but Paul shouldn�t be getting chemo or other harmful cancer treatments and that�s why his body is reacting this way. Hugs!�

Liz: Really. Great time to push your self-righteous, delusional alternative medicine agenda on us. ugh.

Paul: Also, people telling me �all I need to do is change my diet.�

3. What is your biggest cancer pet peeve? I know it�s hard to choose, as there are many to pick from, right? But what irks you the most?

Liz: People touting basic self-care habits as cancer prevention. Like if I eat this dish of brussel sprouts instead of this dish of Panda Paws, my cancer will shrink. It won�t. It will just make me sad.

Paul: Anything that starts with �I read an article��

4. What is something you want others to know specifically about breast cancer?

Liz: I�ll admit, I was in this camp before diagnosis, but people - breast cancer is total crap. It isn�t the easy-breezy cutesy disease it�s portrayed as. It KILLS people. It�s made our life very hard.

Paul: This is about Meso, not breast cancer. But I�d like people to know that not everyone gets a monetary settlement. When people hear "Mesothelioma," they usually associate it with all the lawyer ads. We never received any money out of this.

5. If applicable, do you worry about recurrence rarely, from time to time or a lot? What is your biggest worry today, right now, this minute?

Liz: At first, I didn�t worry about it. Not at all, actually. I was fully confident that if I just pushed through treatment this year, I could get on with my life. Now that we know my chemotherapy did NOT do what it was supposed to and my mastectomy did NOT do what it was supposed to, I worry. I keep myself distracted and busy enough that I don�t fritter my days away with worry. But it�s there. I�m terrified of it metastasizing.

Paul: My biggest worry is that I won�t be around when Ingrid is growing up.

6. Do you feel cancer has made you a better person? Yes, I know this a loaded question. If you do, specifically in what way?

Liz: Eh, no. Why is cancer the one disease that people expect to be morally edifying? Like I have this terrible disease, my husband has this terrible disease, and it sucks. If anything, cancer makes us grumpy and tired and sad. But then I guess it does make us more empathetic?

Paul: No, cancer did not make me a better person.

7. What is your favorite cancer book? (No, I�m not fishing for mentions of mine!)

Liz: Oh, I haven�t read any yet. But Paul Kalanithi�s When Breath Becomes Air comes highly recommended by a bookish friend whom I trust. Also, I LOOOOVE Nora McInerny. She wrote about her husband�s battle with brain cancer on her blog, My Husband�s Tumor, and I really need to read her recent memoir It�s Okay to Laugh: (Crying is Cool Too). She is hilarious and honest and wonderful.

Paul: Oh, I don�t read that stuff.

8. Besides your family, where do you turn for emotional support?

Liz: My cat. Seriously, haha! I�ve received loads of pamphlets with different young adult support groups that people tell me �I just have to join because it will help you so much!� But I just don�t go for that stuff. I pray. Prayer is a huge support. Without Faith I would find this much harder.

Paul: My Faith.

9. How many cancer blogs do you read and why do you read them?

Liz: I don�t read any regularly. Mainly, because I am sort of new to this whole thing. I do like Nancy�s Point, though. She is honest. I appreciate sincerity and truth when it comes to cancer. No fluffy optimism for me.

Paul: I just read Liz�s.

Liz: Aw, thanks Paul. <3

10. Do you call yourself an advocate? If so, what drives you?

Liz: I don�t. My life is too full right now to focus on anything other than �getting though.� Being an advocate for anything sounds very important, though.

Paul: Ain�t nobody got time for that.

So, sunglasses. Over or under the headscarf???