Online Chat Room

Hate when people say "I'm not afraid of anything" cuz, like, have you seen things? They're terrifying. � MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) August 23, 2017 Several months ago, one of my old high school teachers emailed me to ask if I�d consider sharing my story with her moms' church group. (And by old I mean �former.� That woman hasn�t aged a minute. She�s lovely.) Her group had been focusing on the topic of �fearlessness in the face of adversity,� and she thought I might have, I don�t know, some insight on the subject. Which bwahahahaha omgggg nooooo. I am the opposite of fearless. I�m scared of at least 23 bajillion things. Also, I don�t do public-speaking. Not voluntarily. When I feel compelled to share something, I perch myself behind the comfortable security of a computer screen. I could hear the fraud police sounding their sirens. In a momentary lapse of judgement I wrote back, "Why yes, of course. I�d be happy to speak to your group." It took maybe four se...

A few weeks ago, Paul wiped out on our front walkway. We had just gotten home after spending 8+ hours in the hospital. I was holding Ingrid who was asleep in my arms, and I didn�t react fast enough to grab him before he fell. Which is weird because every time I replay this scene in my head, Paul is falling in excruciating slow motion. He didn�t even slip on ice or uneven pavement or one of the three small steps that lead up to our house. He is just that weak . Weak to the point where he can hardly walk without assistance anymore. He just fell backwards, like a thin broomstick unable to hold itself upright without a prop. When I heard his head thwack the sidewalk, I winced and (gently) tossed a now-awake Ingrid onto the lawn to rush to his side. Thankfully, there was a gentleman walking past our house at that exact moment. He secured his dog to a nearby lamppost and helped me hoist Paul to his feet. Angels among us. By now, the scrapes on his scalp have healed, but my nerves have not ye...

After she took my vitals the other day, my radiation nurse popped her head back into the examining room. �Hey, I meant to ask - how�s your husband doing?� �Oh, he�s ok. Well. No. Actually�� I paused, not sure how to finish that sentence. I mean - how do you casually insert the fact that your husband is dying into a quick conversation? I stumbled through the key points:  He stopped taking the chemo pill he was on.  He may not pursue additional treatment.  He�s focusing on enjoying what time he has left.  See? It�s like dropping a bomb on people.  It�s also been a major reason for the gaps between my evasive blog posts lately. It hurts too much to think those thoughts. It hurts even worse to give them shape. We had a great Christmas. Absolutely, we did. It was very special. But. Everything has taken on this weird blend of light and dark, happy and sad, gratitude and grief. About a month ago, Paul went into the clinic for routine bloodwork. It was the usual state o...

My original goal here was to write at least one blog post per week. But I was busy watching season 2 of Stranger Things last week. And by week, I mean 3 days. Because how could you possibly take longer than 72 hours to watch it? If you have no clue what I�m talking about -- I�m sorry, but if you haven�t watched Stranger Things , are you even living? So. Why are you still here? Go. Watch. And then come back so we can fangirl together until our heads and hearts explode over how awesomely awesome that show is.  The past is in the past. Let it go. Now that Halloween�s in our rear view and we�re clipping along at a furious pace towards the holiday season, I find myself glancing back at the contrasting landscape we found ourselves in a year ago. Because I�m a well-adjusted individual who participates in healthy activities that foster self-love and contentment.  Sure, most people might think brooding over the past is self-destructive and demoralizing. Tomayto, tomahto...

If the massive Pink Ribbon flags hanging from the streetlamps up and down Main Street didn�t clue you in, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Towards the end of September, I began to dread the arrival of �Pinktober.� And this is why - I find everything about it incredibly polarizing . There are your tutu-clad marathon fanatics who welcome the onslaught of everything pink with eager enthusiasm. And then there�s the vexed anti-pinkers who find the current theme of Breast Cancer Awareness Month to be both alienating and misdirected. So where do I stand in this Sea Of Pink? Where do I fit into this equation as a young breast cancer patient still undergoing treatment? And what more can I possibly offer to the dialogue already being had on other (much more lucid and far-reaching) cancer-related blogs? I�d rather not piss and moan about things. Negativity like kills my vibes, ya know? But still. I think this whole Breast Cancer Awareness rigmarole is something worth addressing. Last mo...