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After she took my vitals the other day, my radiation nurse popped her head back into the examining room. �Hey, I meant to ask - how�s your husband doing?� �Oh, he�s ok. Well. No. Actually�� I paused, not sure how to finish that sentence. I mean - how do you casually insert the fact that your husband is dying into a quick conversation? I stumbled through the key points:  He stopped taking the chemo pill he was on.  He may not pursue additional treatment.  He�s focusing on enjoying what time he has left.  See? It�s like dropping a bomb on people.  It�s also been a major reason for the gaps between my evasive blog posts lately. It hurts too much to think those thoughts. It hurts even worse to give them shape. We had a great Christmas. Absolutely, we did. It was very special. But. Everything has taken on this weird blend of light and dark, happy and sad, gratitude and grief. About a month ago, Paul went into the clinic for routine bloodwork. It was the usual state o...

Are you on  twitter ? I've only been hanging out there since the summer. For months, I felt like a stranger in a strange land. I still feel like the gangly tween at the party, but I don't care because twitter is where all the hilarious, raucous kids hang out and it makes me feel like maybe I could sit at their lunch table and, I don't know, trade friendship bracelets or something. Basically, I swing by twitter when I need a laugh. Take these with a huge grain of salt. 15 Tweets That Will Make You Laugh If Your Life Is A Trainwreck: 1. Don't forget to pretend you're mentally stable today. � Jedi Cheesy Gifts (@JediGigi) January 7, 2014 2. *reluctantly signs reality check* *adds "lame" to memo line* � Alien Skier (@ClichedOut) September 27, 2017 3. i just heard a guy at the coffee shop say he was doing ok and thought whatever, quit gloating � silent schmox, holy schmox (@IvoryGazelle) October 5, 2017 4. Sometimes I find a random screw lying around my hous...

Turns out radiation leaves me wrecked. I am running on low batteries, my friends. Anything not required for basic survival is being given a bloodshot glance of dismissal from me. Including writing. And probably mailing out Christmas cards. Which, normally, are two activities that give me quite a lot of pleasure. Now, they just look like work. I am trying to give myself the grace to NOT do things. And to not feel badly about not doing things.  Can We Stop Glorifying Busy, Already?! Photo by  Andreas Klassen  on  Unsplash Ever feel like being busy has become the modern equivalent of �living life to the fullest?� We�re obsessed with being busy. It�s in vogue. It�s also a drag. Look at the way we talk - autopilot kicks in when people ask about our weekend -- �It was good, just busy.� We don�t even notice ourselves saying it because it�s become such an ingrained dimension of how we interpret our worth. If we say we�re busy, we must be productive. If we�re productive, we...

My original goal here was to write at least one blog post per week. But I was busy watching season 2 of Stranger Things last week. And by week, I mean 3 days. Because how could you possibly take longer than 72 hours to watch it? If you have no clue what I�m talking about -- I�m sorry, but if you haven�t watched Stranger Things , are you even living? So. Why are you still here? Go. Watch. And then come back so we can fangirl together until our heads and hearts explode over how awesomely awesome that show is.  The past is in the past. Let it go. Now that Halloween�s in our rear view and we�re clipping along at a furious pace towards the holiday season, I find myself glancing back at the contrasting landscape we found ourselves in a year ago. Because I�m a well-adjusted individual who participates in healthy activities that foster self-love and contentment.  Sure, most people might think brooding over the past is self-destructive and demoralizing. Tomayto, tomahto...

Some awesome things that have been happening: I can wear mascara, finally. (I have a full set of eyelashes!) It�s always been my favorite, and I went 6 months without, so no -- I will not downplay my excitement. In case you didn�t hear, my second mastectomy was a success . Probably should�ve opened with this one, but gawrsh I love mascara. I am far enough along in my healing to wear a specially-fitted breast prosthetic. Which I realize is one of those things you might wish to leave out on a blog that�s read by your parents and maybe your high school teachers. It�s sort of like talking about a shopping spree at Victoria�s Secret: a cool thing, but a keep-to-yourself thing. But it�s also sort of exactly NOT like that. I have cancer. (cancer card! It�s happening!) I do (and write) what I want. Anyway, it�s great fun because when I go out, I no longer need to decide between the very unbecoming one-boob look or futilely stuffing a wadded washcloth into my bra. It�s a massive relief to we...

If the massive Pink Ribbon flags hanging from the streetlamps up and down Main Street didn�t clue you in, October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Towards the end of September, I began to dread the arrival of �Pinktober.� And this is why - I find everything about it incredibly polarizing . There are your tutu-clad marathon fanatics who welcome the onslaught of everything pink with eager enthusiasm. And then there�s the vexed anti-pinkers who find the current theme of Breast Cancer Awareness Month to be both alienating and misdirected. So where do I stand in this Sea Of Pink? Where do I fit into this equation as a young breast cancer patient still undergoing treatment? And what more can I possibly offer to the dialogue already being had on other (much more lucid and far-reaching) cancer-related blogs? I�d rather not piss and moan about things. Negativity like kills my vibes, ya know? But still. I think this whole Breast Cancer Awareness rigmarole is something worth addressing. Last mo...